Trust and Distrust In Marriage And Any Other Relationship

Trust and Distrust

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Trust is the beginning of every good marriage, but when trust is not there anymore, it takes the grace of God for trust to exist again in that relationship. A spouse can forgive, but that painful experience will make it difficult for the offended spouse to let go for fear that it could happen again. For some, it is easier to forgive than to forget. Trusting and getting hurt is bad enough, so, taking chances for the occurrence is not an option? Putting up barriers of protection is not uncommon for a wounded spouse.

Trust

Trust

Distrust is very common between spouses especially when one has cheated and this situation might weaken a marriage that needs trust to grow. Distrust is like putting on a guard if in any way there is cheating or occurrence of it again. It is a means of protection. On the other hand, it is certainly not impossible to trust again, but it takes some effort and determination for it usually does not happen easily or quickly in any way.

Healing Your Marriage When Trust Is Broken: Finding Forgiveness and Restoration

trusted relationship

relationship of trust

A victim once said after reconciliation with her husband, that she realized what infidelity can cause to a family life and she compared it to a starving dog snatching a beautiful wedding cake. Getting the trust back was like looking for a piece of needle in a haystack but the truth is that the remaining cake was still beautiful, but the unforgettable part is that anytime you look at the remaining cake you kind of miss the complete cake before the dog got into it and that makes you bitter, sad and angry.  the question is, how could a loving spouse take such beauty away from a loved one he promised to cherish? that kind of pain is often indescribable and a lot will surely be affected including Life itself.

trusting your couple

couple

Marriage is not the only institution that has cheating issues . Many  Cheaters victimize their relationships with children, loving friends, other close family members, and even themselves. The bad part about this is that it may affect cheaters’ families because of the pain, embarrassment, and awareness of community gossip it will cause. most times such scandal can lower the value or importance of a family within a community. The whole families may suffer because of it.  A good friend does not want to witness her best friend’s husband in a compromising situation with another women. A member of the family  does not want to hear gossip about their loved one from other people in the community.  the Young people contemplating marriage one day might lose faith and respect in the marriage institution due to this infidelity crisis in the society, and celebrity gossip on the media is not helping either. All of these life experiences are painful for many family members and others to bear when it comes to issues of cheating and infidelity.

relationship built on trust

built on trust

The unfortunate thing is that cheating and crisis at home always have very bad or negative effects on the children because it gets them confused and they end up being the most wounded victims. A lot of children suffer silently and some could blame themselves and the bad part is that this parent problem could spill over into the rest of their lives thereby causing various dysfunctions in their own personal families. The best thing to do if situations like this arise is to go for counseling but many families do not look at it that way because many families do not see the need to get it.
Beyond Boundaries: Learning to Trust Again in Relationships

distrust couples

distrust couples

Cheating is never a good thing both in a marriage or any relationship, and making irrelevant and unnecessary excuses are not acceptable either and as we all know the consequences are always devastating for all parties involved, especially the children and the offended spouse.“Sometime the effects of cheating on the victims involved could be devastating especially, if they end up living that relationship for another and it could be a problem if the parties involved are not fully healed, so the best we can do to avoid any kind of trauma in our lives is being sincere and honest with our friends, spouse and acquaintances.

 

 

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Explain Your Biggest Regrets

What Is Your Biggest Regret

regret

regret

We all have regrets one way or the other during the cause of our lives, there are different kinds of regrets such as regret about loosing loved ones who were so  dear to us, regret about loosing contacts with important friends and school mates, regret about not doing the right thing at the right time, regret about doing the right thing at the wrong time, regret about not fulfilling our life goals and aspirations, regret about our achievements so far, regret about not going after what we want especially when we had it at our finger tips, regrets about our marriage, regret about associating with the wrong friends and acquaintances, regret about not being able to differentiate between a good friend and a bad one,regret about not setting our goals as we should and so on, there are so many things that can bring about regrets but the good thing is that, once we realize where we defaulted we can always correct our selves, This makes us strong and moving on would not be a problem and it also gives room to caution from unnecessary regrets in the future.

my regrets

A friend of mine was telling me of how much regret he had about not being able to show appreciation to his parents for how they raised him, because they are no more, one way or the other we do have people that we love and we hope and assume that they will always be in our lives, but due to unforeseen circumstances beyond us they are there no more or we lose contact with them because we do not realize how valuable they are to us then. many a time we do not know the value of what we have and how precious it is until we lose it, especially if we were in a sweet and loving relationship such as marriage and other kinds of relationship,  Due to our unconsciousness at the time of our relationship, we refuse to recognize its value until after it sleeps out of our hands. some time we regret not paying attention to what our parents thought us as kids and teenagers, but latter realized its value as adults. somebody was talking about going to a place where he would have achieved a lot and fulfill his dreams, but did not go after it when it was necessary to do so.

regrets

Errors and mistakes always gives room for corrections and is always a motivator for better life which simple means what ever mistake we did in the past after realization can bring about our success and achievements by learning from the past. because of our regrets from the past we can  always learn from it by:

1. Identifying and checking our weaknesses

2. Using our mistakes as a yardstick for teaching ourselves and for correction

3. Using the privilege as a way of adaptation

4. Trying to focus and improve on whatever we are doing

5. Trying to figure out what we need to appreciate even in times of crisis

6. Trying to improve and check our relationships

7. Accepting blames and moving on

INFIDELITY AND RELATIONSHIP

 A PROBLEM IN A RELATIONSHIP

THERE ARE ALWAYS CHALLENGES IN EVERY RELATIONSHIP AND ALL RELATIONSHIP HAS A LIFE CYCLE. ITS ALWAYS INTERESTING HOW AND WHEN YOU MEET YOUR PARTNER  AND HOW YOU FALL IN LOVE  SOME CALL IT “LOVE AT FIRST SITE AND SOME SAY ITS JUST FALLING IN LOVE. AT THE BEGINNING OF A RELATIONSHIP, YOU FELL IN LOVE WITH YOUR SPOUSE, YOU APPRECIATED THEIR PHONE CALLS,WANTED THEIR TOUCH,LIKE THEIR TALK AND ADVICE AND YOU ALWAYS WANT TO LISTEN TO THEM AT ALL TIMES AND YOU ARE ALWAYS ON THE LOOKOUT FOR THEM WHEN THEY ARE NOT YET AT HOME WHEN YOU ARE THERE.

relationship and infidelity

infidelity and relationship

WAS FALLING IN LOVE WITH YOUR PARTNER REALLY A BIG DEAL?, THE TRUTH IS ,IT WAS A SPONTANEOUS EXPERIENCE WHICH BLEW YOU AWAY. YOU DID NOT HAVE TO GO THROUGH ANY PROCESS BUT SEEING IT HAPPEN NATURALLY. THAT’S WHY IT IS CALLED “FALLING” IN LOVE – BECAUSE ITS HAPPENING. MOST PEOPLE IN LOVE ALWAYS SAY “I WAS SWEPT OFF MY FEET.” THINK ABOUT WHAT THAT EXPRESSION ENTAILS. IT INDICATES THAT YOU WERE JUST STANDING THERE ;DOING NOTHING,AND THEN SOMETHING CAME ALONG AND HAPPENED TO YOU.

AFTER A FEW YEARS OF MARRIAGE, THE EUPHORIA OF LOVE FADES AND CRISIS IN A RELATIONSHIP ARISES, THIS IS THE NATURAL CYCLE OF EVERY REALTIONSHIP.GRADUALLY BUT SURELY,PHONE CALLS BECOME A PROBLEM,TOUCH SOMETIMES IS NOT WELCOME AND YOUR SPOUSE’S ATTITUDE INSTEAD OF BEING CUTE AND EXCITING AS IT USED TO BE ,DRIVE YOU NUTS. THE SYMPTOMS OF THIS STAGE VARY WITH ALL RELATIONSHIP, LOOKING AT YOUR MARRIAGE ,YOU WILL REALISE A GREAT DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THE INITIAL STAGE OF FALLING IN LOVE AND A MUCH DULLER OR EVEN ANGRY SUBSEQUENT STAGE.

AT THIS STAGE ,YOU AND/ OR YOUR SPOUSE MIGHT START ASKING THE QUESTION, WHAT MADE ME TO MARRY THIS PERSON?, WAS THIS MARRIAGE MEANT TO BE?, DID I MARRY THE RIGHT PERSON? WHILE THIS QUESTIONS ARE GOING THROUGH YOUR MIND,YOU REFLECT ON FANTASY OF THE LOVE YOU ONCE HAD ,WHEN BOTH OF YOU WERE IN THE “GARDEN OF EDEN” FILLED WITH LOVE AND PASSION. SOME PEOPLE BEGIN TO DESIRE THAT PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE THEY HAD WITH SOMEONE ELSE.THIS IS WHERE THE “BOMB” OF DESTRUCTION SETS IN(MARRIAGES BREAKDOWN). SOME BLAME THEIR SPOUSE FOR THEIR UNHAPPINESS AND START LOOKING OUTSIDE THEIR MARRIAGE FOR FULFILLMENT, THEREBY GIVING ROOM TO INFIDELITY.

infidelity and relationship

TALKING ABOUT EXTRAMARITAL FULFILLMENT,IT COMES IN DIFFERENT SHAPES,SIZES AND DIMENSIONS. INFIDELITY IS THE MOST OBVIOUS. SOME PEOPLE TAKE SOLACE IN WORK, CHURCH, A HOBBY,  FRIENDSHIP, EXCESSIVE TV AND MOVIES OR ABUSIVE SUBSTANCES. MY QUESTION IS ,WHAT IS THE ANSWER TO THIS DILEMA?, THE ANSWER DOES NOT LIE OUTSIDE YOUR MARRIAGE. IT LIES WITHIN IT. I AM NOT SAYING YOU COULD NOT FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE ELSE,YOU COULD ITS YOUR CHOICE. TEMPORARILY YOU’D BE COMFORTABLE AGAIN, BUT IN THE LONG RUN YOU WILL BE WEARING THE OLD SHOES AGAIN IN A FEW YEARS TO COME, THEREBY FINDING YOURSELF TO BE IN SQUARE “0” OR “1” .

 THE KEY TO SUCCESS IN MARRIAGE IS NOT FINDING THE RIGHT PERSON; IT’S LEARNING TO LOVE THE PERSON YOU FOUND. SUSTAINING LOVE IS NOT AN EASY EXPERIENCE ,THERE ARE LOTS OF CHALLENGES TO IT. IT’LL NEVER JUST HAPPEN TO YOU. YOU CAN’T “FIND” LASTING LOVE .YOU HAVE TO “MAKE” YOUR LOVE LAST , DAY IN AND DAY OUT. THAT IS WHY WE HAVE THE EXPRESSION “THE LABOUR OF LOVE”  “IT TAKES TIME , EFFORT, DETERMINATION, PERSEVERANCE, DEDICATION AND ENERGY. AND MOST IMPORTANTLY, IT TAKES WISDOM. YOU NEED TO KNOW WHAT TO DO TO MAKE YOUR MARRIAGE WORK.
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IS IT BETTER TO MARRY FOR LOVE OR MONEY?

  • LOVE OR FANTASY,MONEY OR LOVE?

MARRIAGE IS  A VERY CRUCIAL ISSUE ,BUT INTERESTING TO DISCUSS, I WAS SOMEWHERE WITH A GROUP OF FRIENDS AS USUAL AND ONE OF US CAME UP WITH A QUESTION ABOUT LOVE AND MONEY AND SOMEONE SAID WHAT ABOUT IT?, AND HE ASKED IF IT WAS GOOD TO MARRY FOR LOVE OR MONEY?,SOME TOPIC FOR DISCUSSION AS USUAL AND HE JUST SAID WHAT DO YOU GUYS THINK?,SOME SAID MARRYING FOR MONEY IS THE BEST AND SOME SAID  MARRYING FOR LOVE WAS THE BEST AND THE LAST PERSON SAID MARRYING FOR BOTH IS  NECESSARY.

money and love which one is best

marriage in love and money makes life good

EVERYONE WANTS SECURITY OF LIFE ESPECIALLY IN MARRIAGE, PREVIOUSLY IT WAS ASSUMED THAT PEOPLE SHOULD MARRY FOR THE FEELINGS THAT THEY HAVE FOR EACH OTHER,ON THE OTHER HAND MARRYING FOR MONEY IS FOR SECURITY IN A RELATIONSHIP, BUT I WOULD RATHER SAY, IT HAS TO BE  BALANCED.MARRYING SOLELY FOR LOVE WONT FEED YOUR FAMILY,WHILE MARRYING SOLELY FOR MONEY WONT SATISFY YOUR LIFE IN THE LONG RUN.

love and money

MANY RELATIONSHIP HAVE PROBLEM DUE TO FINANCIAL ISSUES AND ISSUES RELATING TO MONEY CAN DESTROY LOVE OVERTIME,ON THE OTHER HAND ,WITHOUT LOVE AND ROMANCE ,MARRIAGE LIFE WILL BECOME BORING AND  DRY AND MAY LEAD TO DISTORTION IN INTIMACY.IN MANY CASES IN THE PRESENT AGE, MANY YOUNG GIRLS WOULD PREFER A RELATIONSHIP THAT GOES WITH MONEY, BECAUSE  IT IS BELIEVED THAT MARRIAGE WITH MONEY IS A SECURITY OF LIFE FOR THEM, WHICH MAKES SOME PEOPLE CALL SOME GIRLS “GOLD DIGGERS” BUT IN TRUTH NO ONE EVER SAYS A MAN IS A “BEAUTY-DIGGER” BECAUSE HE WANTS A BEAUTIFUL GIRL, SO I WOULD RATHER SAY,MONEY AND LOVE IS IMPORTANT IN A RELATIONSHIP, BECAUSE THEY CANT DO WITHOUT EACH OTHER . WHAT DO YOU THINK?