A PROBLEM IN A RELATIONSHIP

THERE ARE ALWAYS CHALLENGES IN EVERY RELATIONSHIP AND ALL RELATIONSHIP HAS A LIFE CYCLE. ITS ALWAYS INTERESTING HOW AND WHEN YOU MEET YOUR PARTNER  AND HOW YOU FALL IN LOVE  SOME CALL IT “LOVE AT FIRST SITE AND SOME SAY ITS JUST FALLING IN LOVE. AT THE BEGINNING OF A RELATIONSHIP, YOU FELL IN LOVE WITH YOUR SPOUSE, YOU APPRECIATED THEIR PHONE CALLS,WANTED THEIR TOUCH,LIKE THEIR TALK AND ADVICE AND YOU ALWAYS WANT TO LISTEN TO THEM AT ALL TIMES AND YOU ARE ALWAYS ON THE LOOKOUT FOR THEM WHEN THEY ARE NOT YET AT HOME WHEN YOU ARE THERE.

infidelity and relationship

WAS FALLING IN LOVE WITH YOUR PARTNER REALLY A BIG DEAL?, THE TRUTH IS ,IT WAS A SPONTANEOUS EXPERIENCE WHICH BLEW YOU AWAY. YOU DID NOT HAVE TO GO THROUGH ANY PROCESS BUT SEEING IT HAPPEN NATURALLY. THAT’S WHY IT IS CALLED “FALLING” IN LOVE – BECAUSE ITS HAPPENING. MOST PEOPLE IN LOVE ALWAYS SAY “I WAS SWEPT OFF MY FEET.” THINK ABOUT WHAT THAT EXPRESSION ENTAILS. IT INDICATES THAT YOU WERE JUST STANDING THERE ;DOING NOTHING,AND THEN SOMETHING CAME ALONG AND HAPPENED TO YOU.

AFTER A FEW YEARS OF MARRIAGE, THE EUPHORIA OF LOVE FADES AND CRISIS IN A RELATIONSHIP ARISES, THIS IS THE NATURAL CYCLE OF EVERY REALTIONSHIP.GRADUALLY BUT SURELY,PHONE CALLS BECOME A PROBLEM,TOUCH SOMETIMES IS NOT WELCOME AND YOUR SPOUSE’S ATTITUDE INSTEAD OF BEING CUTE AND EXCITING AS IT USED TO BE ,DRIVE YOU NUTS. THE SYMPTOMS OF THIS STAGE VARY WITH ALL RELATIONSHIP, LOOKING AT YOUR MARRIAGE ,YOU WILL REALISE A GREAT DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THE INITIAL STAGE OF FALLING IN LOVE AND A MUCH DULLER OR EVEN ANGRY SUBSEQUENT STAGE.

AT THIS STAGE ,YOU AND/ OR YOUR SPOUSE MIGHT START ASKING THE QUESTION, WHAT MADE ME TO MARRY THIS PERSON?, WAS THIS MARRIAGE MEANT TO BE?, DID I MARRY THE RIGHT PERSON? WHILE THIS QUESTIONS ARE GOING THROUGH YOUR MIND,YOU REFLECT ON FANTASY OF THE LOVE YOU ONCE HAD ,WHEN BOTH OF YOU WERE IN THE “GARDEN OF EDEN” FILLED WITH LOVE AND PASSION. SOME PEOPLE BEGIN TO DESIRE THAT PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE THEY HAD WITH SOMEONE ELSE.THIS IS WHERE THE “BOMB” OF DESTRUCTION SETS IN(MARRIAGES BREAKDOWN). SOME BLAME THEIR SPOUSE FOR THEIR UNHAPPINESS AND START LOOKING OUTSIDE THEIR MARRIAGE FOR FULFILLMENT, THEREBY GIVING ROOM TO INFIDELITY.

TALKING ABOUT EXTRAMARITAL FULFILLMENT,IT COMES IN DIFFERENT SHAPES,SIZES AND DIMENSIONS. INFIDELITY IS THE MOST OBVIOUS. SOME PEOPLE TAKE SOLACE IN WORK, CHURCH, A HOBBY,  FRIENDSHIP, EXCESSIVE TV AND MOVIES OR ABUSIVE SUBSTANCES. MY QUESTION IS ,WHAT IS THE ANSWER TO THIS DILEMA?, THE ANSWER DOES NOT LIE OUTSIDE YOUR MARRIAGE. IT LIES WITHIN IT. I AM NOT SAYING YOU COULD NOT FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE ELSE,YOU COULD ITS YOUR CHOICE. TEMPORARILY YOU’D BE COMFORTABLE AGAIN, BUT IN THE LONG RUN YOU WILL BE WEARING THE OLD SHOES AGAIN IN A FEW YEARS TO COME, THEREBY FINDING YOURSELF TO BE IN SQUARE “0” OR “1” .

 THE KEY TO SUCCESS IN MARRIAGE IS NOT FINDING THE RIGHT PERSON; IT’S LEARNING TO LOVE THE PERSON YOU FOUND. SUSTAINING LOVE IS NOT AN EASY EXPERIENCE ,THERE ARE LOTS OF CHALLENGES TO IT. IT’LL NEVER JUST HAPPEN TO YOU. YOU CAN’T “FIND” LASTING LOVE .YOU HAVE TO “MAKE” YOUR LOVE LAST , DAY IN AND DAY OUT. THAT IS WHY WE HAVE THE EXPRESSION “THE LABOUR OF LOVE”  “IT TAKES TIME , EFFORT, DETERMINATION, PERSEVERANCE, DEDICATION AND ENERGY. AND MOST IMPORTANTLY, IT TAKES WISDOM. YOU NEED TO KNOW WHAT TO DO TO MAKE YOUR MARRIAGE WORK.
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